This is the darkest hour in my life…

This is the darkest hour in my life
There’s no trace of light anywhere
Nothing moves, not even the air

Where has everyone gone?
Where’s the music, where’s the booze?
Is the party over so very soon?

There were a whole lot of us
My crazy family, our cranky friends
We were celebrating the now of our lives

Now I see nothing, hear no sound
I can’t touch myself, can’t smell my sweat
Now is unbearable. Is this the end?

It was great fun, our party
We sang and we danced,
Children with their great grandparents

We laughed over globalization,
Fought over dumb charades
Everyone equal in the power of now

Then one of us stood up,
Raised a toast and collapsed,
Then another, then another…

Perhaps the heavens were jealous
A killer virus felled our champions
Without warning, without mercy

This is the darkest hour in my life
Now fragile and most uncertain
I’m frightened, I can’t live this moment

Is this the end? Has everyone left?
Am I hearing you footsteps,
My love, my love?

moments by borges

Moments
Jorge Luis Borges

If I were able to live my life anew,

In the next I would try to commit more errors.

I would not try to be so perfect, I would relax more.

I would be more foolish than I've been,

In fact, I would take few things seriously.

I would be less hygienic.

I would run more risks,

take more vacations,

contemplate more sunsets,

climb more mountains, swim more rivers.

I would go to more places where I've never been,

I would eat more ice cream and fewer beans,

I would have more real problems and less imaginary ones.



I was one of those people that lived sensibly

and prolifically each minute of his life;

Of course I had moments of happiness.

If I could go back I would try

to have only good moments.



Because if you didn't know, of that is life made:

only of moments; Don't lose the now.



I was one of those that never

went anywhere without a thermometer,

a hot-water bottle,

an umbrella, and a parachute;

If I could live again, I would travel lighter.



If I could live again,

I would begin to walk barefoot from the beginning of spring

and I would continue barefoot until autumn ends.

I would take more cart rides,

contemplate more dawns,

and play with more children,

If I had another life ahead of me.



But already you see, I am 85,

and I know that I am dying.

How much ado about Anna?

Anna Hazare is an unlikely champion for India’s youth. The 74-year-old social activist and Gandhian from Maharashtra recently started a second hunger strike for new anti-corruption authority in the country. It is certainly not the first proposal for an anti-corruption legislative. But this is the first nationwide mass movement against corruption. And perhaps the first time the country’s youth has hit the streets for a national cause.

That’s a good thing. They say 72% of Indian population is below 40 and 47% is below 20. So it’s important the younger lot take some interest in the way things are done in the country.

What looks not so good is the anti-corruption bill that Anna is starving for. Basically, Anna and his allies demand a super cop with powers to police the police and act against every public servant from an office clerk to the prime minister and chief justice.

Why? Because the existing anti-corruption authorities such as the central vigilance commission and departmental vigilance wings lack powers, resources, transparency and, hence, credibility.

Fair enough. There is a need to have a transparent, efficient ombudsman to take actions against the corrupt across all levels within a limited time frame.

But is Jan Lokpal the solution for this? I doubt.

The Anna team’s proposal says Lokpal members will be selected not by politicians, but by “judges, citizen and constitutional authorities”.

Their contention, rightly, is that the government and the political class have become far too corrupt and have lost all credibility, so they cannot be trusted to put the system back in order, not even finding the right people to do it.

The problem with this line of thinking is that it demands people's trust for a new supreme bunch of credible and responsible people.

Now, the law makers, judges and bureaucrats are all bound by oath to be true and fair in their duties. Most of them are not. How different the new super bureaucracy will be?

If people cannot trust the government—or those they can vote out of power—to ensure the bureaucrats and police do their jobs efficiently, or to even find a right ombudsman to do it, then how can they trust a new bench of “judges, citizen and constitutional authorities” to appoint a super, super authority that can take action against the highest democratically appointed authorities?

Who are these people anyway?

Judges one can relate to and perhaps accept as being more truthful and responsible than politicians—although it will extremely tough to convince a common man that K G Balakrishnan is more trustworthy than Manmohan Singh and AB Vajpayee.

Constitutional authorities? OK, at least something that will be clearly defined somewhere.

Citizen? Free for all? Unlikely. Or, some super citizen, like super cops? Apparently, they will be more responsible than you and me and the local legislative member who promised a hospital in your village to convince you to vote for him and perhaps built it. You may not have heard of them before, but you can always Google search: they will be reasonably well known.

Is that what all those people wearing Gandhi topis and waving tricolors all over the place, shouting “Anna, Anna”, crave for? Really?

I would like to think that it would be better to provide or force what they lack to the authorities responsible to ensure transparency and fair play: namely, autonomy, authority, powers and resources. The chances of success, however minuet they may be, will not be any lesser than having a new undemocratic super body.

What is good about Anna is the impact he had on the crowds. His ability to bring people to the streets in millions. Transparency in the whole system and effective implementation of the right to information Act are crucial and need nation-wide mass movement to have a chance to succeed. Anna has initiated it.

Of course, there are all kinds of people in the streets. There are those who have spent their lives fighting corruption and those who try to drive their agendas. There are hooligans and well-wishers, there are those who have come to capture a piece of history and those who have come to make some money or pickpocket. There are office-goers and the jobless, conservatives and liberals, Rightists and Leftists, social workers and sex workers, lovers and beggars, celebrities and the destitute….

There are also the youth, who caught the Anna fever from Facebook or college campuses, and who are having their first encounter with a national movement.

Hopefully, Anna is only a starting point for this new generation to become proactive and clean up the system.

1964 borges

today is jorge luis borges' 112th birthday. he was born on august 24, 1899 and died on june 14, 1986.

here is one of his poems that somewhat reflects my mood sometimes...

"1964"

I shan't be happy anymore. Maybe it doesn't matter.
There are so many other things in the world.
Any instant is more profound
And diverse than the sea. Life is short
And even if the hours are so long,
An obscure wonder awaits us.
Death, that other sea, that other arrow,
That free us from sun, moon
And love. The happiness you gave me
And took away, must be erased.
What was everything must turn into nothing.
Now I only have the joy of being sad.
That vain custom that takes me
To the south, to a certain street, to a certain corner.

dearest thampychayan...

this occasional sinking of spirit
a pointed pain at the centre of my chest
that grows heavy and beats with my heart

your image like flickering candlelight
when i think about you
my eyelids feel heavy and wet

you have been so light and easy
a true liberalist, rising and stooping
to reach levels with people

you laughed into people's heart

and laughed at their business of life,
earning respect and, yes, disrepute

laughing and browsing, drinking

and texting, you, downager, stuck
to the whims of your young heart

you said you couldn't love anyone
as much as your daughters, but, comrade,

you tried with your innumerable 'mols'

if only i could be as selfless,
if only i could kill my ego,

as effortlessly, as part of life

what would you say if you hear this?
you'll find a spoonerism, perhaps
slip into a nap in your chair

if i say you live in our spirits
you'd burst out to add
"in liquid form, cheers".

xxx---xxx---xxx

ps: but, thambichaaya, how will you resist

sharing the secret of afterlife with all of us, seriously?