Sunday, October 19, 2008

Diary of Jack the plumber (not to be confused with Joe)

July xx, 2008
Today a man called from the bank. i said no money, take away me home. who cares. they cancelled me credit card last week. who cares. i got plenty of em. paid for my corolla with a card. finally the pickup is gone. the guy who carried me around for twenty years? more than that me thinks. boy, was guzzling all the gas in the city. and gas--them say fuel is on fire. true. must buy a full bottle to billie at the service station says for finding me this old toyota. real cheap. and it runs on air, not gas, methinks. fill it and forget it. me owe it to him, ol'billie boy. japanese are smart assholes. their needs are bare minimum just like the cars them make. i still have xxx got from the truck. can last me 3-4 months if no work comess, methinks. look where gas is gone, boy! who can afford a truck these days. nobody. i tell you, nobody. this nation is ruined. nobody has money. nobody. billie said his kid is out of job. same story everywhere. no work, no money, no gas. we are fucked. those republicans have fucked us.

July xx, 2008
Them democrats have gone nuts. Them want this black dude as the prez. that hilary lady--man ain't the old bitch so gorgeous--could have thrashed that republican soldier from the grave. them want a black president. black! my foot. them crazy!

Aug xx, 2008
That obama chap is a good bastard. today me saw him at the campaign. he's terrific when he talks, that black guy. i ain't seen no black talk so good. man, he has all the right word, that obama chap. me thinks he may be the next prez. yes man, a black man in white house. me thinks. and he is not as black as me thought. more white, less black. son of a bitch.

Sept xx, 2008
it's tough. life, i say. not much work these days. norah has shifted to her mom. says can't starve. bloody bitch. as if there was no food. we're tight. but man we no starving. she bitch knows. me got cable line cut. can't afford. no work. no one's fixing pipes. nobody building houses. everyone is screwed. screwed from all sides. everybody. i tell യു, mate. this nation is ruined.

Oct xx, 2008
was watching tube at smith's. poor old smithie, lost all his savings in stock. greedy bastard. everybody is losing money. big banks are falling down like twin towers. it's worse man, me thinks. its bad. old bush has sold the country. them sent all the jobs out. bastards. now them want our money, my tax. why me pay for chinese and indians? man, this country is gone to dogs. and pigs. but obama chap is good. this black man will save this country, methinks. he talks so well. he's no black. no black can talk like that. and look at those women. they are going crazy about him. every channel says he'll win the polls. history, man, history. the mutt is smart, me too will vote for him. vote for a black man. grandpa, forgive me, only this black man can save us. so what if he's black. it's green that matters, not black. we want our greenbacks, black or white. it's true, grandpa, for christ sake.

nov 4, 2008
election day. it's gonna be obama. everyone says so. good for the nation, them say. me too thinks. the tube is full of the black smartie. even ol'smithie says will vote for this cross-breed. five years ago he won't let no black in his bar. and now! mother fucker. spineless asshole. me staying home. can't vote for a black. grandma will turn in her grave. but norah, that bitch, she will go black, i know. shame on her. a black president! shame on the country. obama must have done some black magic. grandma say blacks are witches. must be true. grandpa won't let no black enter the house. he won't let us kids talk to any black man. now, a black man in white house! our forefathers must be turning in their graves. it's a national shame. how can you let this happen? sky falling down is better, methinks. we whites are so generous. we let these illiterate
assholes into our homes and wworkplaces. now they wan't to rule us. to dictate. slaves want to be masters. my foot. it will be better if the country goes down in pacific. no, this must not happen. methinks. i can't stay here and think. i must vote. to save the country. from the bloody blacks.